The Philadelphia Phillies are, for the moment, above .500. Historically, that’s rather unusual. Over their 139 seasons of major league history, the Phillies are 9854-11032, good for a .472 winning percentage — the equivalent of a 76-win season, every year, for nearly a century and a half.
In all that time, they’ve finished first in their division a grand total of 15 times, and last a much more appropriate 34 times, and next to last an additional 17 times. Squalor is their natural habiliment, and despair their rightful habitude.
Lately, these shlemiels have taken to getting ideas above their station, spending what their owner was pleased to call “stupid” money on players like Bryce Harper and today’s starting pitcher, Zach Wheeler. After spreading around the simoleons, they now have several players who do not suck.
About a .472 winning percentage worth, I’d say.
Let’s beat ’em like a redheaded stepchild and put ’em back where they belong. Here’s a metal cover of a classic by Bruuuuuce: