August 31, 2017:
Fwd: Friday 9/1 Recap
Alex Remington (8:09 PM)
Sam, want to grab Friday’s recap – and maybe shoehorn in a Bama preview?
So, my first thought was “sure, why not?” I was planning on turning the TV on tonight anyway to watch the USMNT, which is the national soccer team for those of you up in Cobb, play Costa Rica, which is another country that we need to beat in order to qualify for the World Cup, which is a big soccer deal, for those of you up in Cobb. I mean, I’m technically still on vacation through tomorrow morning, but what would it hurt to dig the laptop out and follow the baseball game along with the futbol, which is what the fur’ners call the soccer and stuff, ya know?
And so I did that; the digging the laptop out thing. And I logged in and well, apparently this was a day game against the Cubs. We lost. I’m not really sure of all the details because I literally turned on the computer long enough to see
- Ozzie Albies walks;
- Freddie Freeman grounds into double play…;
- Matt Kemp called out on strikes
scroll by, then they plopped that little “x” that means “the home team didn’t even need to bat in the ninth, because your team really sucks right now” into the box score and, ya know? All over but the cryin’.
Looking back at the game log, we lost because we managed four hits all day. Four. Three of which were singles, which, do they even count? Singles are boring, man. Ender Inciarte singled to lead off the game, and was wild pitched to second, but then the next three batters sucked in the “failed to put the ball in play” variety of suck.
In the second, there were two out already before Rio Ruiz and Dansby Swanson both singled ahead of the pitcher grounding out. If you’re keeping score at home, we have already collected three (3) of our four (4) hits. That does not bode well, right?
For the record, the pitcher was Mike Foltynewicz, who strung 8 base runners and 2 runs over 6.1 innings, which is perfectly cromnulent, but not good enough to win when your side scores NONE RUNS, and isn’t the sort of outing a fan base desperately looking for an ERHMAHGAH FINALLY AN ACE FROM ALL OF THOSE PITCHING PROSPECTS is going to remember very fondly either.
The third begins a string of, I shit you not, 15 up, 15 down. God, I’m so glad I didn’t watch this game. 15 up. 15 down. FIFTEEN!
Rio Ruiz led off the 8th with a ground rule double, which was the first time a Braves hitter managed one of them there “extra base hits.” It was also the last time. Alas, neither Dansby With The Good Hair, nor Lane Adams Whose Name Sounds Like Either A Furniture Store Or A Plus Sized Woman’s Boutique, nor Ender Inciarte Who Will Eventually Become the Speaker For The Dead, were able to do anything with it.
Ninth. Albies walks. Freddie wants to go eat. Matt Kemp swinging. Fin. Draw the curtains, Doris.
I’m going to make dinner now, then watch the FUT-BOL, which is a popular sport played by godless heathens outside of America where we play football that crushes men’s brains, like God intended, for those of you up in Cobb*. And speaking of the concussion inducing variety, I still owe you that Bama write up, Alex, which will come along shortly, but the gist of which is that Alabama is going to win the SEC, and probably the no longer quite so mythical National Championship, because Alabama loves football more than you love your mama and while you’re thinking “man, I’d hate for my kid to get skull crushed and drool by the time he’s 37,” Alabamans are literally on a wait list to sacrifice blood to Ba’al for the chance to erase the memory of Deshaun Watson and some puff named “Dabo” lifting the trophy that is god-ordained to go to them. Also, Nick Saban recruits ambulatory refrigerators on both sides of the line.
*to be clear, I am not making dinner for you folks in Cobb. I’m mocking you by insinuating you’re uncultured and don’t know what soccer is because you live in Cobb. Because that amuses me. No, I don’t think you’ll find it funny really. I’m pretty self-motivated most of the time, ya know?