An Open Letter To The Postmaster General

May 7, 2016

The Honorable Megan J. Brennan
Postmaster General of the United States
475 L’Enfant Plaza
Washington, D.C. 20260

Dear Postmaster General Brennan:

I would like to alert your office to a potential violation of Title 18 U.S. Code Section 1341, which, as you know, is more colloquially known as Mail Fraud. The possible offenders are a number of professional athletes, engaged in playing Major League Baseball for the Atlanta National League Baseball Club, and their management and front office, who are ‘mailing in’ this season. As a long time supporter of the ANLBBC, I am deeply grieved that this collection of “athletes” is being foisted off on the good people of the South, and that at least 23,514 paying customers were deceived into thinking that they would witness a competitive game between two teams. Instead, the Braves faced a reeling Arizona Diamondbacks club that hadn’t won a game in a week, and meekly rolled over in a 7-2 loss.

THe “Braves”, as they are known, have now played 14 games at home, Megan – may I call you Megan? – and have gone down to defeat in 13 of them. That is a winning percentage of .071. Even the absolute worst teams win a quarter of their games, and the home record is usually better. The Braves have hit six home runs all season, as a team, while giving up 33. There are 40 PLAYERS in the majors who have six or more home runs. The pitching – oh the pitching – is as awful as the hitting. There are no pitchers who have won more than one – 1! – game. This team is so bad I am forced – forced! – to use dashes to indicate the horrendousness that the Braves are exhibiting. I can only attribute this record of futility to fraud.

And lest you think the players are the only guilty ones, you should scrutinize the “Front Office” as well. They have continually traded away to their competitors the best players on the team. While they claim to be “rebuilding,” the star “acquisition” of the Dodgers trade last year has recently been arrested for a deplorable off-field incident, and he can’t play anyway! And then, they traded away only the best defensive shortstop in a generation, for a pitcher who has a hard time throwing strikes and a shortstop who isn’t hitting his weight. But, to be fair, the latest trade with the Arizona Diamondbacks does appear to be working out well in the team’s favor, but I will point out that Arizona’s GM is Dave Stewart, so I doubt they can use THAT as a defense.

Anyway Megan, please send the postal inspectors down to investigate before things spiral further out of control.

Thank you.

Sincerely yours,

Seat Painter

52 thoughts on “An Open Letter To The Postmaster General”

  1. With Teheran on the mound for the Braves and Miller being awful for the D-Backs, tonight is the first game all season where you expect the Braves to win.

  2. Mail fraud, huh? Is there nothing to which the Johns won’t stoop? Nice job, sir.

  3. @4, relatively speaking, yes, in the way that spam is better than Vienna sausages

    @OP, well done.

  4. How many runs per game would be saved if LF/CF/3B/SS/2B were manned by Mallex/Inciarte/Beckham/Swanson/Albies vs. what we have now? Would it lower each starter’s ERA by over a run considering they only pitch 6IP per and so many playable plays are not being called errors?

  5. Very clever recap SP. I may be alone in that I would prefer Swanson and Albies stay in the minors this season and get some experience. 2016 is crap, why mess with their heads and play them in a lost season? This team is worse than the ones I suffered in the 80’s. At least those teams had Dale.

  6. First of all, great work Seat Painter.

    Second-of-ly, I think those of you who would trade Foltynewicz back to Houston for Gattis right now are bonkers.

    And thiiiiiird:

    Lost in the loss last night were a pair of really, really good at bats in the 6th by Mallex and Kelly Johnson. Greinke was rolling by the time the 6th inning started, but Mallex didn’t give up. Mallex had two strikes on him and then lofted a good Greinke off-speed pitch softly over the short stop; classic plate protection with two strikes and exactly what the kid should be doing. Then KJ worked the count full and fought off two or three tough pitches; you could see Greinke–who wasn’t having trouble striking anybody out–losing his confidence as the AB progressed. KJ walked, and they both ended up scoring. Good work, guys. There isn’t enough of that going around these days.

    Oh and does anyone else like Aaron Blair’s delivery the way I do? The aesthetics of his quarter-turn right before he goes to the plate–very good to look at. We aren’t going to win many games, but there’s still good baseball to watch if you look hard enough.

  7. #9–I agree on both points. I have never liked rushing players and there is no need now.

    This team is much worse than the 1988 team and the late 1970s clubs I grew up with. Just think a generation from now people will remember the 2016 Braves….

  8. Albies, at least on May 8th, seems to be a little rushed, but Swanson is a 22-year old shortstop playing great defense and has a 1.276 OPS. The guy really wants to be in the major leagues, he’s earning it, and in a month or two, it’s going to be criminal to keep him down. Albies, sure. Ruiz? Maybe. Swanson’s case is going to run out of arguments against.

  9. I’ve always supported early call-ups, but it must be said that a great many young Braves position players over the years have failed to develop as hitters after showing early promise.

  10. “Getting experience” can only be done in the minors? I want these guys to face adversity against the highest competition, since there’s absolutely zero pressure right now.

  11. @13, assigning causality there is a tough sell for me. Most prospects aren’t good enough, rushed or not. There is no way to know until you put them out there.

  12. There’s zero pressure but Folty gave up 3 home runs so trade him for a DH non-catcher with a 108 career OPS+.

  13. Ruiz hit .229/.331/.318 at AA last year. Promoting him to AAA anyway was very bold and is so far paying off. Maybe give him more than 115 PAs to prove it’s real to us and to himself. Maybe after the all-star break or at least the middle of June.

  14. Speaking of which, Jordan Schafer is sporting a 0.68 ERA and 13/1 K/BB in 13.1 IP in AA so far this season.

  15. I sure would love to see Ruiz strike out in less than a quarter of his PAs in AAA. The K rate and the .443 BABIP are worrying.

    I do like that his middle name is Noble.

  16. If a player can handle the setbacks at the major league level without losing his confidence, then, yes, let them face adversity and develop. Otherwise, I am not sure the risk is worth it. Spending time in the upper minors should give a developing player the chance to eliminate some weaknesses, get in the habit of making adjustments and grow in self-confidence.

    Lets see where Ruiz is in July, but I have to admit that he looks to have made a kind of quantum leap. He held his own during the second half of 2014 in a pitcher friendly park, so I always thought he was a bit better than his numbers, but his start in 2016 is much stronger than that….

  17. I, too, would like to see Rio Ruiz figure out AAA (and by that I mean knock his K rate down from the current 26% down to his usual 15 – 20%) before he gets called up. It looks like Rio can take a walk, but if he strikes out a bunch and doesn’t hit many HRs then he’s probably just a league average batter – a good comp might be Chase Headley (minus his massive 2012 performance). My understanding was Rio doesn’t project to be a great defender or baserunner, so it would really be fantastic if he was more of a #3 hitter than a #6 hitter.

  18. Ok, I just want to get this out of the way:

    What would it take to get Trout?

  19. @ 25 – Some use corn, others crickets, some use artificial lures. That’s the only trout we can get.

  20. @25, Trout is a coveted game fish, and in most areas will require some sort of license…not to mention there’s size limits that preclude landing the really big ones.

  21. Mallex batting 9th when we have clowns like AJP, Brignac, etc. hitting higher up. Lol

  22. The first three in the lineup make it look like an actual major league team. The last five remind you that it’s so not.

  23. @27 Love it.

    Mallex and Freddie are now the only players on the roster who have hit a home run.

  24. Teheran is out of gas. Fredi will leave him in next inning and he is likely to get hammered.

  25. Daniel Castro would have made that play. Still don’t understand why Aybar is there

  26. I’m so disgusted with Erick Aybar. We’ve got a guy WITH AMAZING HAIR down in AA knocking the cover off the ball, and we have to deal with THIS?!

  27. Not sure how Fredi or any other manager can win with AJ, Brignac, Castro, and Aybar on the field

  28. Another manager would bench Abyar, play Castro at SS and find some logical combo for the rest of the infield. Pulling names out a hat every day (except for Abyar) can’t be helping.

  29. Aybar is playing because if he doesn’t, we’re eating his contract. This is obvious and everyone here knows it already but is playing indignant. Dansby is not up bc there is no rational reason for him to skip 2 more levels and potentially hamper his development. I mean, what, so we can win 60 games instead of 56?

    No matter. These things will correct themselves by August. Aybar will be cut and Dansby in atlanta. But in due time, and not because of fans’ impatience.

  30. I hate to be trite, but the simple answer to how any other manager would handle AJ, Brignac, Castro, Aybar, etc. would be “better than Fredi”. He’s just proven that he’s not good at getting the most out of his players.

    With that said, AJP is completely done. He seems to be swinging at mostly breaking pitches, he can’t get around on fastballs, he’s threatened to bunt against the shift (most likely because he can’t drive the ball through it), and he’s just unathletic behind the plate.

    I’m interested to see if Mallex continues to man CF. I had thought that was Inciarte’s position when he came back. Maybe Inciarte is being “eased” back. That’s some pretty good outfield defense, for the most part.

    Oh, and Shelby has found the key to getting a win: pitch against the Braves.

  31. From official site article:

    “Despite spending the first week of this season with Triple-A Gwinnett, Smith entered Saturday tied for the lead among all Major League center fielders with seven Defensive Runs Saved (DRS).”

    I really did not know that. Admittedly, I’m a novice on the advanced defensive metrics, so I’m not sure if that’s misleading, but I had been thinking Mallex looked uncomfortable in center and was not quite yet above average.

  32. Small sample + defensive stats = weirdness.

    Btw, our boy Coppollela is on record saying WAR overvalues defense. That’s why I kinda like him. Even though I hate him for doing this to my team.

  33. Probably Coppy’s worst attribute is his abject devaluation of defense–this is a guy who legitimately believed fat Aybar was an upgrade on Simmons bc of a few batting average points. But it’s fitting that you, krussell, believe this to be Coppy’s strongest attribute. After all, this is the one thing you and he agree on.

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