Nothin’ Oh Nothin’: Miami Sound Machine 4, Atlanta Rhythm Section 0

Nothin’, oh nothing is something.
Braves don’t get anything, so we want them to leave.
Nothin’, oh nothin’ almost everyday.
You gotta score something, if you want fans to see.

No Braves hitter’s a hero.
So zero, is what we do see.
OWAR’s a big fat minus,
Jonny Gomes got lucky enough to leave.

Shelby Miller’s still a pitcher.
Here’s a glass raised to you.
Chris Narveson giving up no runs,
But that’s easy against Braves’ zoo.

“O” highlight went to Ciriaco,
He’s walked once in this century.
This team is so dreadful,
It’s like Hamlet, “not to be?”

Hector shows up for tonight.
But even a hero of Troy can’t fix this.
We are striving hard for pick 1,
And this team will still likely miss.

Nothin’, oh nothing is something.
It’s something, just the only thing.

67 thoughts on “Nothin’ Oh Nothin’: Miami Sound Machine 4, Atlanta Rhythm Section 0”

  1. In case you haven’t noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven’t, the Braves have managed to lose a few here and there.

  2. I thought there would be zero chance of us tendering Minor a contract, now Im not so sure. Wisler, Folty, and Manny haven’t shown enough to warrant guaranteed spots in the rotation next year. Our offseason plan should be simple – frontline starter, big bat in LF, and rebuild the bullpen. Get some vets like KJ/Uribe back on one year deals.

  3. @ 4
    nice one, John, great rhyme.

    Ree Gression
    we were unkind, that’s a sort of confession
    but that spider!
    it was you that was silly enough to sit besider.

  4. cliff…

    when you do one of your amazing recaps like today is there some way you could include a link to whatever it is you are parodying, a song/a group i presume?

    That way us old farts can maybe figure out what the hell is going on, ha! ironically i’m pretty sure there are many here who say exactly the same about what i put up!

    if you’re not parodying anything and it’s all yours then wow, and thanks.

  5. @6-

    Nick Chubb did that off a 5-yard pass. In a perfect world, UGA would have a QB who could sling it along with the superior stable of backs (see: 2012 Georgia), but as constructed all Lambert really needs to do is go down field occasionally and otherwise give it to the horses and get out of the way. No one respected Georgia’s passing game last year, and the Dawgs still won 10 games and beat the crap out of Clemson-Missouri-Arkansas-Auburn-Louisville.

    That said, Lambert was *terrible* in the short game for Virginia last year. And if he couldn’t do anything else (other than obtain the undying adoration from Cobb County partisans), Hutson Mason could always throw a mean screen pass. I don’t know how much of that was on UVA/London and how much was on Lambert. We’ll see.

    I do wish Brice Ramsey could’ve stepped up and won the job easily, because he’s got the better arm. If Mike Bobo were still Georgia’s OC, Ramsey would be the QB. But apparently he couldn’t master the new playbook and his effort in camp wasn’t as good as it could’ve been, so here we are.

    Anyone who UGA has under center this season is only keeping it warm for Jacob Eason in ’16. That + Chubb/Michel *still* in Athens + Year 3 for Jeremy Pruitt’s system + A more favorable schedule = A potentially monster year.

  6. Blazon,

    I will start doing that AFTER a few hours to let people try to figure it out, first.

    A song co written and performed by Billy Preston approx. 1974: Nothin’ from Nothin’

    “Nothin’ from nothin’ leaves nothin. You’ve gotta have somethin’ if you wanna be with me.” Sound familiar?

    Comp verse to paragraph 2 above from the original:

    I’m not tryin’ to be your hero
    ‘Cause that zero is too cold for me, Brrr
    I’m not tryin’ to be your highness
    ‘Cause that minus is too low to see, yeah

    I like to keep original words or concepts, like “serenity” in Rocky Whoop Ass High. In the original it is “the serenity of a clear blue mountain lake.” Or “Fenway Park is melting in the dark” is a rehash of “McArthur Park is melting in the dark.”

    Team names were a little more obvious this time.

    Inspiration was the continuing offensive futility as the theme of the team. “Zero again” became “nothin’ from nothin'” became “nothin’ oh nothing.”

  7. D.N. Nation at 9,

    Today, after announcing Lambert as the starter, ESPN rated Georgia as the 4th most productive offense going into this season. Essentially your same analysis.

    However, Mason had a high quarterback rating. Lots of completions (67%?) and very few interceptions. So, maybe opponents didn’t fear the deep ball, but they did have some air offense to contend with.

    IF Lambert or Ramsey or whoever can do a little positive and not do the negatives, and if year 2 of Pruitt is what I expect and if Trent Thompson and maybe some others step on the DL, and if we avoid the stupid special teams crap, this is a VERY good team.

  8. @11
    clearly understood and thanks…a perfect compromise, i will await the solutions…McArthur Park? know that one!

    now, UGA..

    Jeremy Pruitt
    a cutter? surely you knew it
    so leave him alone
    let every good Dog trim squads to the bone.

  9. @13- I’m not sure if it held up the entire year, but for most of 2014 Todd Gurley had Georgia’s longest *pass*. As in, he threw it.

  10. @16/17

    I’m still hung up on that Brennaman stat…9HR, 35RBI, after 103 games…with Cardinals all over the bases presumably….when we first discussed this here a few weeks ago projections for the total value of his next contract ranged from less than 100 to 200+ Million…so he remains an enigma for us, collectively.

    Todd Gurley? i don’t believe this

  11. At 20 and 21,

    A 57 yard left handed halfback pass for a touchdown.

    I am not sure if it was later beaten, but it was the long pass play for most of the season.

  12. JohnWDB @14, I graduated from Ga Tech so I guess I qualify as an ACC fan. I have to admit I have never been much of a college football fan mostly because their “championship” seemed mostly contrived or imaginary. Since they appear to be taking steps (mostly baby steps) toward a more realistic championship process my interest has been increasing.

  13. #9
    I find Lambert’s quick promotion mildly unsettling, but (as mentioned) it may not matter a lot until, say, the Alabama game. Lambert looks like the prototypical NFL-sized QB (6-5, 225) but his arm (from UVA highlights I’ve seen) doesn’t quite match. Surprisingly, he can scoot a little bit with his feet, but we’ll see how much they let him do that.

    Also, curious to see how much they integrate Isaiah McKenzie into the offense this year. I can imagine some bubble screens & jet sweeps here & there. And I know he’s got blazing speed to beat anyone deep, but his hands & his height might be working against him.

    The one game where they let Mason air it out (Tennessee) was really his worst one of the year. After that, the only times they let him really throw the ball came on play-action passes after the ground game was established (in mind or deed).

  14. Adonis Garcia is your starting third baseman tonight with Nick Swisher in left. That’s an eyebrow raiser for me.

    The Lambert thing is interesting for me because at some point during the season you’re going to have to make some deep throws or possession passes to keep drives going in tight games. I have no doubt Georgia will be the favorite and rightly so in virtually every game they play. It’s the one or two that make the difference between another 10 win season and a 12 when season that you’re going to need some quarterback play out of somebody.

  15. @blazon,

    It’s unclear, isn’t it? He’s an incredibly well-rounded player–and that’s hard to peg. He’s been consistently good since he’s come up, and he’s brushed up against great a couple times, but he hasn’t quite had a superstar season yet. He hasn’t been injured enough to call him an injury liability, but he hasn’t played consistently enough to call him healthy either.

    But he’s 10th in MLB in bWAR–12th in fWAR–since he came up in 2010 (not counting pitchers). The top-10 goes: Cano, Cabrera, Beltre, Trout, McCutchen, Votto, Bautista, Longoria, Zobrist, Heyward. There are a lot of really good players–Stanton, Posey, Adrian Gonzalez, Tulowitzki, Donaldson, Molina, Upton–who haven’t been as good over that time period.

    Teams will notice that he appears to have his offense back on track this year after a merely above-average 2014 and a horrible, no-good April. His RBIs and homers are still low, but his season line of .293/.350/.445 is pretty nice indeed–and looks much better than that if you assume something clicked for him after his early season struggles: .284/.340/.443 in May; .326/.365/.517 in June; .312/.387/.419 in July; .319/.385/.489 in August.

    However important you think right field defense is, Heyward is once again the majors’ best right fielder, though not by as wide a margin as in his stellar 2014 campaign. That’s not nothing. Neither is his excellence on the base-paths, where he’s stolen 20 bases and only been caught twice. That 91% success rate is better than anyone else among the top-30 base stealers this year; among the top-50 base stealers only Michael Brantley (14 SB/1 CS: 93% success rate) has been more efficient.

    So I’m not sure what the template is for his contract. He’s hitting free agency at a very tender age–sign him for a 5-year contract and he’ll only be 30 at the end of it–so it’s unlikely you’ll be paying for his decline years. He’s got a real track record of success at this point, and he was a blue-chip prospect before he came up. Teams will pay attention to all of that.

    But they’ll also pay attention to his unimpressive home run power. He’s got about a 50/50 shot to get to 15 this year if he stays healthy. What do you do with that?

    On the one hand, worse players (Freddie Freeman, anyone?) get $20 million/year contracts. On the other, some other excellent players–see Ben Zobrist above–don’t.

    I think it’ll be fascinating.

  16. I doubt anyone will get him for only 5 years. Probably more like 7-8 at least. Still not a terrible gamble on a 26 year-old, but more likely to get to a point where his speed will start to decline.

  17. I think if Heyward played centerfield as slightly above average, everybody would say “wow, he is worth it.”

    But “over the head balls in right AND center can both become triples (unlikely in left). So, range in right is important. And ability to throw across the diamond to 3rd to slow the “extra base” is important.

    And Trout did his in 3 years, right? So he doesn’t need to be in the list.

    One year of defensive WAR stats might be fluky. But Heyward has 5. The “eyeball test” says he is very good. The problem is “who are you going to trust: a computerized video reading bunch of major league scouts or your own notion of what defense is worth?”

  18. Trout did his in 4 years; for everyone else it was 6. Paul Goldschmidt is in the top-25, and he didn’t start until 2011. He’ll need 6-7 WAR next year (depending on how September goes for everybody) to equal what Heyward did in his first 6 years. It’s not an unrealistic mark for him, but it’s not a lock.

  19. Is Adonis Garcia really a good enough player that I should be concerned he no longer has a position to play?

  20. @41, he can play LF. Whether he’s good enough or not, well that’s all relative. On this team, he’s good.

  21. I dunno if we should wait 33.3 more games before we make up our minds. That tap right back to the pitcher seemed pretty difinitive. Olivera was officially not worth Wood.

  22. @44 That was my exact thought. Since two of us came to the same conclusion, that makes it definitive. Only thing to do is get Wood back. Think the Dodgers would be willing to trade Olivera for Wood, straight up?

  23. I didn’t think it was possible to make the Braves tv broadcast worse, but they’ve gone and done it.

  24. #38
    It’s not like we didn’t give Marshall his chance. But there was that matter of teammates’ money being stolen right out of the locker room.

  25. @ 33…

    enjoy each other’s company while you still can…as to the game, do not use the word ‘tragic’…


    Edward, you’re the stats guy, not me, but there is one name on that list you typed out that screams at me…Posey..he is in a quite different league to Jason as a hitter, always has been…I really don’t have to look at any numbers to see that(sorry!)…line drive outs versus rollovers…consistent hard contact..far more power…the fact he’s on your WAR list behind Jason i can only attribute to an above average catcher’s defensive peripherals being somehow skewed in comparison to an excellent right fielder. Am i right?

  26. I’m going to take some time out of the office and go to the game tomorrow. I’m expecting 5,000 in attendance.

  27. It would have been better if they had just locked our guys in a closet and finished the broadcast.

  28. @51

    c’mon John…i saw his second AB, a smash, right? And he’s younger than you think.

    Hector Olivera
    in seeking cultures fairer
    said i am nineteen
    which is certainly the oldest i have ever been.

  29. Olivera Hector
    We’ll need a shaman, not a Rector
    To resurrect his decomposing remains
    He was born before there were planes

  30. I’m on record saying a few days ago that I thought the Braves might win four more games this year. I’m sticking to that prediction. Anyone have a different opinion?

  31. John..I see you’re a last name first man..liked the backy/whacky rhyme earlier too.

    that left handed smash – don’t you feel jealous? we have no one, remotely like that…maybe Hector when he gets into his middle twenties.

  32. Let’s see, 54-78 after this loss. There are 30 games left (wait, why were we saying 34 games of Olivera?).

    4-26 is a pretty bad run even for this, the worst team in baseball, even though we’ve just gone 1-13. That said, if we’re going to win more than 4 games, Shelby is gonna need to start winning.

  33. If these scores hold, we will pick up a game on the Reds, the Phillies, the Marlins, and the Brewers. Very productive night.

  34. @60, I’m just going along with the hyperbolic nature of Olivera comments. I do hope he’s terrific. Will take until mid-2016 to get a good idea

  35. Gonzalez, the Frediot
    Your manager’s seat, please ready it
    They say it’s growing mighty toasty
    Bc your managing has been awful, mostly

  36. Burawa autocorrects to “nurses”

    Also he has pitched the best relief I’ve seen since grilli went down

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