The Clerihew, it speaks for You – baseball whimsy, in verse.

[Ed. note: I really didn’t want to recap last night’s game. The fiery hatred that the Braves offense feels toward Shelby Miller’s win total continues unabated, as the Braves scored their single run (a Jonny Gomes solo shot!) two innings after Miller left the game. There really isn’t much to say about a game when the offense got three hits. So I won’t! Now, please enjoy Blazon’s latest…]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clerihew

…read this first please, it’s the easiest way to get a grasp on what’s happening and it isn’t long…plus there are several actual examples to find and enjoy…

so here’s what this is about…over the last year or two we’ve been moderately successful in incorporating verse into this baseball board from time to time…there have been limericks(5 lines, strict rules) and parodies of many sorts, most recently the 14-line sonnet which featured in the shoot-out last month on the fourth…also song parodies…all this is great and will continue hopefully…

what we’re trying to do now is encourage more people to participate, to have fun doing so and to make us all laugh…fun is a good secondary component on a board like ours which by its nature tends to be dominated by numerology, passion, anguish and pain (W/L record). And the Clerihew is so slight, so short it can be inserted anywhere, any time into a thread without disrupting it or necessarily requiring a response. And once we get the hang of it I bet the average time needed to write one is less than 10 minutes. As we move along and get more comfortable with the format there might be Clerihew threads on off days and if interest has warranted a Clerihew Competition say every quarter. Whatever is or is not wanted.

Here’s why it’s so easy to make one.  4 lines only, rhyme AABB, and forced rhymes are encouraged particularly if they sound funny…as for meter pretty much anything goes in line length specially the last line. That structure very much suits the original intent, to be biographical(see Wiki). So as Braves fan put your player on line 1 and go from there…or any other way you like, there really are no rules.

I have it on good authority that once this is posted on Monday’s off day our worthy Leader, who got a head start on the Wiki page, will post the first Clerihew. Rather like the ceremonial first pitch. I can vouch it came in comfortably and quickly. So please, everyone have a go, let’s see what happens. (Needless to say this thread is not exclusive to this project, use it for whatever, as normal.)

166 thoughts on “The Clerihew, it speaks for You – baseball whimsy, in verse.”

  1. Shelby Miller is bound to snap,
    every time Fredi tips his cap,
    The Braves all hit like palookas,
    let’s hope Shelby can’t find any bazookas.

  2. great stuff guys, keep ’em coming!

    diminutive our pleasure cycle
    though now we have both Steve and Michael
    plenty on the waiver wire
    but clearly our deepest need, a heavenly choir.

  3. our new first baseman, he’s a charmer
    born, some say, in Alabamer
    first a dazzling double play
    but hold it! then a somewhat botched o-lay!

  4. damian moss & kerry ligtenberg’s sideburns
    took thin, swooping, sweeping wide turns
    in middle & high school it was abundantly clear
    the surest way to look cool was to encourage growth past the ear.

  5. Adonis and Hector
    we had called our classical sector
    but now we know both are from Havana
    we had best adopt a more inquiring manner.

  6. Yanis Varoufakis
    was stylish, but caused a fracas
    the Greeks DFA’ed him into the Achelous
    so he’s available, over 30, and could probably hit eighth for us

  7. @9..

    Hector O,
    please say it ain’t so
    you’re not really thirty
    you can tell us, let the Dodgers get shirty!

    NB…elusive rhymes that escape you are best addressed by recourse to one of the many rhyming sites online like http://rhymezone.com/?loc=bar no shame attached, i’m up there 10 times a day!

  8. @11…

    amazin’, still trying to work it all out, great stuff…is this guy real or a product of your fertile imagination? Does he play baseball? You cannot rhyme is with as unless of course his last name is pronounced Var-who-fak-ass…if he’s imaginary you can insist this is the way it’s going to be…if real we’re going to need proof..
    and what is the Achelous, please? Something by Aeschylus?

    you are taking us into uncharted waters – exactly what we need, thank you!

  9. Hart on strikeouts
    Said, “We don’t like outs”
    He aimed at hitters ears from lips
    Pitchers overheard, inflated FIPs

  10. Yoenis Cespedes, it seems
    Hits the market in Winter, ’15;
    In left field, he’ll look nice,
    And he won’t cost a pick — just like Atlanta’s next ace, David Price.

  11. @8
    ambitious and good
    @11
    see 13
    @14
    jonathan that is very good…all that it lacks, as do many here including most of mine, is the element of whimsy…whatever that is, it’s elusive…i would suggest, very tentatively, 10 has it for example at least to a degree, self deprecation – we have made a silly mistake by assuming they were Greek…please disagree if you will!
    @16 and 17
    see above

  12. Whimsy is for the whimsical.
    If you can be whimsical about Eric Gregg or Kent Hrbek you deserve to join them in hell.
    Lord Peter Wimsey is pretty cool, though.

  13. from dictionary.com

    WHIMSY

    capricious humor or disposition; extravagant, fanciful, or excessively playful expression:
    a play with lots of whimsy.
    2.
    an odd or fanciful notion.
    3.
    anything odd or fanciful; a product of playful or capricious fancy:
    a whimsy from an otherwise thoughtful writer.

    OK, should have done this earlier, my bad…it seems i have been overstating the case for self deprecation as the primary source of humor(a British vice)..
    the definitions above give us many alternative targets to reach for..

    capricious
    fanciful
    odd
    extravagant
    playful

    hope this helps ..and encourages!

  14. Charlie Leibrandt
    Had a curve that could slant
    A hanger to Puckett
    F***it F****it F****it F***it

  15. @21…

    disagree…the name per se is not enough…nor is any name per se impossible to find a whimsical element about…some a lot easier than others, obviously…

    but that’s just me, i had never heard the word Clerihew a month ago.

  16. @23

    Fredi Gonzales
    escaped the Federales
    but when,again, he calls for a bunt
    we shriek ‘ Sit down, you silly old ****.’

    A British word in very common usage there, least of all anatomically, much more often between men, socially…as in, here – ‘John, you old sonofabitch, great to see you’.. incidentally unlike its pale American equivalent it’s a real word, a thousand years old, pre Chaucer.

  17. the much admired Pascual Perez
    has GPS, or so he sez
    now exits fall apace
    provided he’s told, quite soon, we’ll be in another place.

  18. how about a friendly contest, say at the top of the hour, where someone on line who has been following not posting, comes up with a Braves name not hitherto used here today.

    Then anyone/everyone who wants to has to write a Clerihew about that person within a 30 minute period…multiple entries encouraged…that way we all start from the same base, zero…some of mine came from storage over the last week for example, unfair advantage..

    any takers/thoughts??

  19. @29

    Robert Frick
    we remember as a hick
    did he not interfere
    with what we hold dear?

    hope i’m right on this one, have a vague memory..

  20. @32

    thank you…the memory holds good then.

    what must clearly be faced
    was profanity laced
    the dear Mr Frick
    we can reasonably call a prick.

  21. A “hook” is a curveball; I honestly don’t remember whether he had specific trouble with breaking stuff, but after a very good start to the season (.302/.367/.488 through July 31), he completely vanished the last couple of months of the season, batting .195/.264/.266 as a stone-gloved first baseman for the final 54 games of the season.

    And he was no looker, either.

    (It’s “Fick,” though. No r.)

  22. 35…

    i knew a hook was a curveball but…i guess it was that particular word association that didn’t register, thanks for explaining…

    so i take it we have no takers for the friendly contest as per @30?

    too much too soon, likely…but i would like to thank everyone who has contributed, it’s been a terrific response.

  23. A Brave in Milwaukee and Atlanta was Hank Aaron.
    As a player we was better than a fair ‘un.
    The eventual truth
    Was he hit more home runs than Ruth.

  24. Good old Tom Glavine
    is a guy great to have in
    your dugout in his stirrups, or in dress socks
    in the press box.

  25. Dale Murphy
    Not Astro Turfy
    Waits for the call
    From the hall

    Bob Horner
    Played hot corner
    Like my game of chess —
    A mess

  26. Peterson Thomas Orr
    The Canadian Thor
    Pitchers mound he couldn’t clear
    Striking ball with Mjolnir

  27. @46

    Raffy Ramires
    was never quite sure where ‘here’ is
    eyes closed when he threw
    there, sadly, was the occasional boo.

  28. Remember Craig Kimbrel?
    Made batters stand still
    “Come back,” she said.
    “You left your ID in Buckhead.”

  29. Twin Bills, thrown in the mix
    To solidify rotation spots five and six
    Their early victories had us so thankful
    Until they both took one off the ankle

  30. Corky Miller
    Lineup killer
    Horrible hitter but no clubhouse cancer
    Looked less like a player and more like a hamster

  31. Otis Nixon, one classy bloke
    Sped around the bases, his nose full of coke
    Catchers rarely caught him, but the playoffs he’d miss
    Cuz the league found his secret in a sample of piss

  32. Peraza to Tinseltown
    He wants this trade to go down
    As a stinker for the geriatrics
    Hart, Scheurholz, and Maddux

  33. So Peraza and Wood are both starters on a playoff team.

    At least we got a guy that might play for us one day. Maybe.

  34. Alex Wood
    They say he once could
    Whiff every other batter
    Now his pitchers are fatter

    Jose Peraza, never played for us
    Joined the city of angels baseball chorus
    Perhaps he will hit them a bunch of triples
    His teammates will give him two purple nipples

  35. Guy on MLB Network: “The Nationals aren’t playing well right now because they don’t smile enough and have enough fun.”

    #ExpertAnalysis

  36. John Schuerholz’s kid
    Draft him twice, we did
    The organization used to spin
    Signings like this before Wren

  37. First try at this, be kind:

    Fredi Gonzales
    We regularly question his knowledge
    His mound management we dreads
    Leaves us scratching our heads.

  38. Sluggish Sid Bream
    Slowest man on the team
    It’s fitting, don’t you see
    Scoring the most famous run in history

  39. Welcome back Michael Bourn
    Hope you run a lot around the horn
    Score some runs, play good D
    Since you’re earning a really high fee

  40. As a child
    I thought it wild
    It didn’t sound quite right,
    What do you mean, David Justice isn’t white?

  41. 75…

    no need to be kind, welcome..

    73…

    Ronald Gant
    the one thing he can’t
    the opposite field?
    it might as well be concealed.

    misc…

    Am just rewatching Cormac McCarthy’s All the Pretty Horses(2000) The young Matt Damon is the splitting image of Freddy Freeman – why does no one mention this?

    Freddy’s got it all to do
    just carrying this motley crew
    too often hacking when he’s hurt
    digs another out the dirt.

    Hrbosky the Mad
    he tried hard to be bad
    so very Hungarian
    just a trifle contrarian.

  42. ..so now, sadly, we get to watch the Major League debut of Jose Peraza…in another uni, a hated name ..it feels almost criminal…all that work, the promise, the excitement in almost daily posts from the minors, the ranking he carried…

    the romance, all gone…someone else is sleeping with the bride.

    and why have they brought him up before we would have? service time an irrelevance with their resources? we are too protective of young talent when it is recognized as such. This past weekend a 16 year old schoolboy debuted against Arsenal in the Premier League at the hear of the defense. This year a 17 y. old Dutchman is in his second season in Formula One and has been on the podium with the world’s greatest drivers. The responsibility he was seen fit to carry so early every mile makes the steps to the Majors predictable. Which is the point, too predictable.

    Remember, we are talking only about exceptional talent here. There is just one way to find out if it will work at the home office – get him up. And please don’t be cheap about it – service time is a total irrelevance, it costs, so what? is bigger meal money taken into account too?

    don’t fall in love with a kid
    whose talent just cannot be hid
    new uni, new hat
    and that my dear friends will be that.

  43. Bruce Sutter just cashed another check
    From a backloaded contract…what the heck
    Maybe Hart will give him a call
    Since he’s kinda sorta on the payroll

  44. 10.52

    86 posts and a few more no doubt to come from the night owls and the early birds.
    just want to say a big thank you to everyone who pitched in and did so well…everyone.

    let’s do it again.

  45. @13 – yeah, I was wondering if it was too much of a stretch. Yanis Varoufakis was Finance Minister of Greece under the new Tsipras gov’t this year, and kind of became a cult hero for being outspoken about opposing austerity measures asked for by the European Central Bank. he just resigned but it seemed from what I read that he had kind of been written out of things already, so I figured DFA’ing somebody into a river was as good as any other way (The Achelous is apparently a river in Greece). seems like he’d fit the front office’s MO (veteran presence, look for pitching locally but find hitters internationally, #grit, etc.)

  46. Simmons: Defense, King of
    No one’s better with the glove
    Runs, jumps, flys, throws
    Runner’s out, estimation grows.

    Simmons: Offense, every day
    Guarantees a double play
    Strike outs low, bad contact high
    Has his true potential yet drawn nigh?

  47. Cameron Diaz
    A name I can’t pronounce with as much ease as
    I could before I heard of Matt Diaz
    Who’s not as easy on the eyes as.

  48. @89…i was teasin’, having a bit of fun! but thanks anyway for the explanation- i had vaguely remembered the name, now i know why, there was a long NY profile of him very recently..spread the net as wide as you like, no boundaries.

  49. Garcia, Adonis
    what number your phone is?
    we tribute must pay
    to opposite field they just fly away.

    Adonis Garcia
    how long are you here?
    just be sure that you stay
    we’d like one of those ’bout every other day.

  50. @85

    his first hit

    Peraza, a triple? you shouldn’t
    they kept telling us that you couldn’t.
    Put that ball in your case
    how fickle, we’re saying to Mallex, replace.

  51. @ 48

    Alex…close also but must call you on the AA rhyme – Perry/contrary- you likely disagree?

    Also…interesting you chose to abbreviate slugging, why? that word in its full self would read better for me

    your last line is great!

  52. a hundred the tally
    would Mac think that pally?
    well, yes, he just might
    but remind us we still haven’t got it quite right.

  53. A 2007 left field tribute:

    Willie Harris
    Did Cairo prepare us
    Hit 400 till June
    But it’s the Braves’ way to swoon

    Poor old Matt Diaz
    Who as hard tried as?
    Poorer for getting hit, but we’re richer
    As Matty D. yelled “Get a clue!” at the pitcher

  54. Christhian Martinez
    Pitched in bathe-ball arenas
    Say his name with a lisp
    Ignore average with RISP

  55. another debutant last night..i think he hunts ducks(what else rhymes?!)

    the electric curving Kolby Allard
    a hunter of the mighty mallard
    3 mill in the bank, his debut all k’s
    he’ll likely now suffer a plethora of praise.

  56. @98

    blazon:
    Amazin’
    He nitpicks
    But it sticks.

    Agreed. (My favorite of my own efforts is still CB Bucknor, though)\By the way, if you want to set a real challenge: Double Dactyls

  57. 85—The Dodgers called him up before we would have because their MLB second baseman got hurt and they need wins in 2015. He’ll be sent back down within the week, I expect, when Justin Turner comes off the DL.

    It’s fair to question whether the Braves have properly assessed Peraza’s value, but there’s no conspiracy to what they were doing with him and are doing with their other young players.

  58. @106

    DD example on Wiki

    Higgledy piggledy,
    Benjamin Harrison,
    Twenty-third president
    Was, and, as such,

    Served between Clevelands and
    Save for this trivial
    Idiosyncrasy,
    Didn’t do much.

    well, yes, sure. Let’s do a couple of hundred next off day. Good Lord.

  59. Keith Lockhart
    Somehow kept getting to start.
    He obviously had the pictures of Bobby
    And then left them in the Turner Field lobby.

  60. @110: My favorite (for obvious reasons)

    Higgledy Piggledy
    Yale University
    Gave up misogyny
    Opened its door

    Extracurricular
    Heterosexual
    Coeducational
    Fun is in store.

  61. Opening Day Rick Mahler
    Peerless shutout nailer
    Strike zones with junk, he’d kiss ‘em
    May he rest in peace, I miss him

  62. @109

    Stu..

    my paranoia re Peraza prefers any conspiracy theory, please don’t derail me with the facts…

    a triple! still can’t get over it…

  63. @112

    aaahhh….beginning to get it…WMT

    why ‘obvious’? Yaley? the quality of this particular effort? yours or someone elses?

  64. @103 Yes, Braves, please retire #25. Andruw, I think, will always be my favorite Brave.

    I wish there were as many clips online of Andruw playing defense in his heyday as there are of Andrelton, but I have to be content with the few there are. This is the catch I think about when I think of him:

    And as many times as Andruw over swung and struck out, he also did this for us:

    Good times.

  65. I thought my undergraduate predilections were well known on this site by now.

    Ryan Lavarnway
    Succeeds his own darn way
    But makes much less moola
    Than a lot of other college graduates who used to chant Boola Boola.

  66. 113—If it makes you feel any better, the “triple” was a bloop single that skipped past Harper. Showed off the speed we knew about, but don’t be fooled (or saddened) by the bump in SLG!

  67. @116

    my bad…it’s somewhere late in the eighth decade that certain types of memory betray ..like was it Frick or Fick!

    now, that DD was yours, right? I am beginning to like it very much and thinking baseball for it…what do you think? it’s complexity might be offputting at first, you could never have a thread like this all DD, but what if we got Alex to go along with a mix next time? what would happen i think would be a great majority of Clerihews with the occasional DD – which would be no bad thing, have a break etc.

    i never chanted Boola Boola.

  68. @117

    Stu, you’ve saved my day…i was imagining of course a vicious line drive to the top of the wall in right, this is much more like it..i got to see what i believe must have been his second AB on a MLB extract when he grounded weakly to second – shades of you-know-who but from the other side..this too did not hurt.

  69. I definitely did not write it.
    The complexity is daunting — that’s why I made it a challenge.

    I am, in general, an advocate of spontaneous creativity over scheduled creativity, so as far as I’m concerned, people can write whatever they want whenever.

  70. Looks like Kolby Allard made his debut yesterday. He started, but only pitched one inning. Struck out all three batters he faced.

  71. @120

    understood but…look at the number of postings in the last 24 hours…and the number of different people who posted…that would not have happened i suggest if it were ‘unscheduled creativity’, your term…would you agree?

    back to the DD…how about, just for fun, you and i and anyone else who wants to start working now offline on their first ever baseball DD which we can all mix in with the Clerihews next off day or whenever Alex wants it?

  72. One more Clerihew:

    Charlie O’Brien
    Heart, mane of lion
    Hit a measley two bucks
    Caught a fifth for Maddux

  73. @124

    John…thank you for your, many, excellent contributions. Don’t wait for the next off day, slide then in, one at a time. That’s one of the stated aims of all this.

  74. You’re welcome, sir. This has been great fun.

    JohnWDB
    Never heard of a Clerihew last Tuesdee
    Now that he writes ’em
    He thinks that he likes ’em

  75. @126

    Alex…

    thanks for that great link, most helpful…and it ends BTW with a marvelous limerick which make others look pallid…everyone, go read it if you’d like to see a proper limerick…

    regarding your attached Clerihew i repeat what i said last night, you are becoming a real threat, ha! In particular the self deprecation in the last couplet qualifies for the whimsy check, a status many still seek.

  76. (this won’t win an award, but just b/c he hasn’t been represented yet)

    Andres Galarraga
    like a hero from a saga
    would take heaters in at his hands
    and send them screaming to the center-field stands.

  77. or should 135 read:

    Upton (Melvin)
    Took a page from Lord Kelvin
    While a Ray, a hero
    A Brave, absolute zero

  78. Upton the Elder
    Like an iron welder
    His bat made sparks fly
    Except in May, June, and July

    EDIT: Nevermind, this is exactly backwards

  79. Let us peer into the mind of Fredi
    That empty, cavernous, echoing head-y
    Though his brain ain’t thought equipping
    Muscle memory handles all cap tipping

  80. Gonzalez (Fredi)
    Tipped his cap @ 143
    He didn’t understand your Clerihew
    Nonetheless he still tipped his cap @ you

  81. Ahem! A topical double dactyl:

    Little Peraza was
    Sent to the Dodgers cuz
    That’s all that John Hart does:
    Trade folks away.

    BUT

    C-prospect Peterson,
    Not quite two meters, done
    turned on a heater one
    fine August day.

  82. At least we’re not the team in New York
    Who, even if dead and stuck with a fork,
    Will still be paying Bonilla each year
    A cool million dollars with the shed of a tear.

  83. Double-y Dactyly
    Jose con-Stanza had
    Just been called Up and he
    Bunted a Hit

    Frediot Said he would
    Play the hot Hand so he
    Started him Daily–seemed
    Never he’d Quit

  84. I wasn’t at my computer at the time, but that was a pretty awful send by Bo Porter back in the first. Almost Snitker-like.

  85. Good God, what a stupid-assed call that was! The throw came from the mound area and hit him in the goddamned foot! What in the hell could Perez’s position in relation to the running lane possibly have to do with that? And he had a foot in the running lane, anyway! What a damned joke!

  86. Well, first game wasn’t very good for the visiting squad. Hopefully I’ll have better luck with home plate seats tomorrow night. Or maybe I’m just bad luck.

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