Cincinnati, a southern city accidentally placed on the northern banks of the Ohio River, is named after the Society of the Cincinnati, an organization of the early years of the Republic. The society, in turn, was named after the Roman general Cincinnatus, who was given dictatorial powers during a war and who as soon as the crisis was over gave up those powers and retired to his farm. He probably never existed. The people of Cincinnati all aspire to give up the city life and move to farms, but they have allergies. The primary claims to fame for Cincinnati are the TV show WKRP in Cincinnati and not being Cleveland.
Although Cincinnati is a major airline hub, the airport is actually located in Kentucky. This is common in Cincinnati, where the civic center is located in Pennsylvania, city hall is located in Indiana, and the basketball team is located in Sacramento. Cincinnati’s principal sports teams are the football Bengals and the baseball Reds. The Bengals were once known for losing Super Bowls to the San Francisco 49ers, then for being comically inept, but in recent years have turned their attention to crime. The Reds sometimes claim to be the oldest team in the majors, but they’re not, it’s the Braves, and there’s nothing they can do about it. The Reds did steal the Braves’ original nickname of Red Stockings, but shortened it because they couldn’t remember anything that long. During the 1950s the Reds changed their nickname to “Redlegs” because they didn’t want people to think that they were Communists. They were in fact Communists, and the Cincinnati ballclub was a center of American Communism until Pete Rose was suspended permanently from baseball for being a member of the Politburo.
The most notable thing about Cincinnati cuisine is that they put chili on top of spaghetti. This came after several experiments, including putting marmalade on top of steak, putting tartar sauce on top of macaroni and cheese, and putting lemonade on top of chicken and dumplings.