It must really suck to be a Cubs fan.
First inning, your ace, Carlos Zambrano, goes out and walks the bases loaded with two out, and then, somehow, manages to walk Jeff Francoeur of all people to score a run. How does this happen?
But he doesn’t allow any more runs. Hey, he hasn’t allowed a hit yet! And you get two in the fourth, and two in the sixth, and you have a no-hitter and a 4-1 lead, and you’re feeling good, and the Braves hit for Hudson so you’re into their soft bullpen, and oh no, this Betemit guy (I thought he’d flopped, why don’t we ever have any prospect hitters come through?) hits a double (Jacque Jones misplayed it, why do we have the Jones who sucks?) to break up the no-hitter. And Giles (I thought he was slumping?) who had scored the Braves’ first run, doubles him home, and Dusty lifts Zambrano, and now he figures out that you might not want your pitchers throwing 130 pitches every time out.
But you get lucky, and Andruw Jones misplays a fly ball (that never happens!) and turns an out into a double and it’s 5-2. Feeling good, even though Dempster’s been struggling a bit… But then the Braves get the first two runners on in the eighth, but Eyre gets a comebacker to get out of it… only he almost throws it away, and you only get one out, and a run scores to make it 5-3.
You can stretch the lead, still, you get two hits off of Chad Paronto, it’s first and third, and who are the Braves coming in with? Ha, it’s Mike Remlinger! He sucks! And he… he strikes out John Mabry, then Pierre flies out, and come on, why does Remlinger pitch well for the Braves, he sucked for us…
And these guys whom you’ve never heard of, Pete Orr and Brian Pena — sorry, Brayan, what kind of name is “Brayan”? — they get back-to-back pinch-hit singles, and the tying run is on, and then Dempster walks Giles to load the bases. And then he walks Renteria to score a run! But he strikes out Chipper Jones! Okay, you can get out of this, but then Andruw Jones hits a long ball, oh no, oh, it’s going to stay in the park, the game is tied, but you can still…
You have got to be kidding me! Giles just keeps running from second! And Neifi Perez, it’s bad enough Dusty hits him second, but he’s at least supposed to play defense, he drops the ball! And then he throws it away! And the Braves are winning 6-5! Jordan makes an out, but who cares?
But the Braves bullpen sucks. You still have a chance. But instead of Reitsma, somebody named Ken Ray comes out. Who is this guy? And he strikes out Perez — I mean, you don’t want to pinch-hit for the guy just because he’s hitting .198, right? — and gets an easy fly, and then a popup, and you lose, and your pitchers walked nine guys including two with the bases loaded and you gave up two runs on a sac fly.
God, it sucks to be a Cubs fan.