19 thoughts on “I could have told him”

  1. Hi everyone,

    It’s me, Winston. I have returned from my long soul searching trip to Alaska to peer in on my former friend, Dan Kolb, to see if things had improved for him.

    Tragically, I see he’s still blaming his problems on other people and I also see that his ERA is still well over 5.00.

    It has come to my attention that with the trading deadline near (part of the reason for my return to Atlanta) I would like to suggest to John Schuerholz & the rest of Braves management that Dan Kolb be traded his own good, my safety, and the health and well being of Braves nation.

    My suggestion would be the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

    They are in a warm climate (would be familiar for Dan) and they have a very angry manager in Lou Piniella who would spank Dan if he beats up my friend Ziggy the Ice Cooler down there. Yes, I have known Ziggy for a while and he’s been with the D-Rays since there inception; before that, he was in New York with the Mets after starting his career in Houston.

    I think Ziggy could handle the daily stresses of dealing with Kolb.

    It is my sugesstion to Tampa Bay Management that they trade Danys Baez to Atlanta for Kolb. Baez is unhappy playing for the Rays and he doesn’t get along with Piniella. I think it’s a trade that greatly helps both sides. Really.

    Anyway, I am going to wait and allow Harvey the Igloo to keep my spot as ‘replacement cooler’ until I see what ultimately happens with Mr. Kolb. I really wish Dan well and hope he can work out his issues. That would be a godsend.

    God Bless,
    Winston the Watercooler.

  2. Trade him to Colorado. The only good pitchers for the Rocks are sinkerballers, and that’s pretty much Kolb’s only good pitch. They need arms, and they have some good young bats in their system.

    What about that Shealy guy that Helton will block forever? LaRoche ain’t gonna hold him back. The Rocks are so desperate for arms, that an experienced closer with a mid-90s sinker might be tempting enough to trade a guy who will never play behind Mr. .330.

  3. I think we should Trade Kolb to Alaska for a polar bear and maybe like 5 bucks…

    cuz the bear could prob pitch better than kolb

    and

    we could atleast have a new attraction at the zoo if he were to not work out…

  4. Holy Crap. This Corey Smith (Mobile) dude just hit a walkoff homer in the 10th to beat the Miss. Braves.
    He has hit 6 homers in the past week against the Braves. How the hell…Thats just crazy.
    Too bad he had to pose after the homer and pissed off the braves. He is lucky they don’t face one another anymore this season.

  5. I would love for the Braves to trade for Ryan Shealy. He was an absolute monster at the University of Florida. He takes walks, hits for power, plays good defense (from what I saw).

  6. I have a feeling that they could do a lot better if they were to trade Shealy. They could probably get an excellent prospect just for Fuentes at this point.

  7. if Kolb is only worth a used jock strap, then that doesn’t say much about shealy and fuentes.

  8. The rumor report on Fox sports says the Red Sox may offer Kelly Shoppach, Kevin Youkilis and Bronson Arroyo for Billy Wagner. I’m wondering if the Braves can beat that, or if they can take on Wagner’s salary.

  9. If you restrict to players with over 20 PAs (to get rid of 1 AB wonders like Cliff Politte!), the #1 player in all MLB in MLVr (a rate-based version of Marginal Lineup Value) is… Francoeur. And it’s not close. So he’s definitely off to a smoking start. How long will it keep up? (And I’m happy BPro is free for a few days). My previous call for a corner OF is based on the belief that he’ll come down to earth hard eventually (like KJ) and the offensive inadequacy of the lineup will be more glaring than it is now.

  10. I think the Braves can beat it (with something like Sosa, McCann and Marte), but good God I hope they don’t try. Philly isn’t exactly out of it anyway, so I wouldn’t expect Wagner to end up anywhere in the NL if traded, much less the East (unless he were to end up being dealt again). That seems like way to much for Boston to be giving up for Wagner, though. Let’s put it this way, if the Braves had Wagner and holes at catcher, 3rd and the rotation, I’d want them to do that deal even at this point in the season and with this bullpen.

  11. Sosa, McCann and Marte would be too high for Wagner. Looking up the Boston players though I think you are right that it might take that much. I would give Sosa plus a B prospect, but not more since it will be only a 3 month rental. (Of course I’d make them take back Kolb too).

    I thought about trying to come up with a deal for Manny, but that’s just fantasy. My guess is that the quality of prospects you would have to give up is inversely proportional to the amount of his salary you are willing to take.

  12. Boston will not be able to ever trade Manny unless they can fool somebody. He would require a deal like Vlad and Krod from Anaheim or Pujols and Mulder from St.Louis. There is no way that will be happening.

  13. I’ll wager you that Manny can be signed like a free agent this offseason (just a ludicoursly expensive one). The Red Sox would probably even be willing to rebate the waiver fee. Do you know what you can get for $20 million? Well, hell, you can’t have ’em… but that there’s about the going rate of Andruw Jones and John Smoltz. Betcha you could get yourself a smooth shot of AJ Burnett with a Johnny Damon chaser if you were so inclined.

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