44 thoughts on “Surprising”

  1. Maybe I am too easily amused, but “HI THIS IS DANNY! WELCOME TO MY BOLG!” absolutely killed me- I loved the misspelling. Excellent work!

  2. I agree — way too homophobic for me.

    Love this line though: “I was so psyched I went over and ‘pantsed’ Craig Biggio and did the electric slide in front of their dugout. It was so much fun!!!”

  3. The parts about him being fat and stupid are funny, since he is, but where did the gay part come from? Definitely juvenile and not amusing, and this is coming from a juvenile. Too personal.
    For the record, I believe the part about him eating 3 value meals at Wendy’s for lunch.

  4. I agree with everyone about the homosexual references being unnessecary. I don’t care if our best player or all of our players are gay. I just want to see a good Braves team take the field. That’s the issue: Kolb doesn’t allow the Braves to be a good team when he’s out there. It has nothing to do with his sexual preference.

    I heard Tim Kurkjian on ESPNews early this morning say that he’s talked with scouts and others about Kolb and they all say his stuff is “spectacular.” He says with his stuff, it’s a mystery why he’s struggling. Since when did having bad control allow you to still have “good stuff”?

  5. I think it’s funny too. The reason it’s funny to me is that baseball players, by and large, are SO homophobic. I guess I just see it in a different light, that’s all. It doesn’t strike me as homophobic so much as picking on the thing that would almost certainly make a ballplayer most angry.

    I mean, really, Mike Piazza has always been one of my favorite players. And what kind of homophobe would say that ;-)

  6. Attention. This is the Dear Leader, and just to clarify, I never posed willingly for that horrendous picture. It was one of the sanctions imposed for my overt admission of nuclear power. And believe you me, it has made me think twice!

  7. Since we’re having comedy thursday, look who came in at #18 on the worst 50 hairstyles of all-time list…

    link

    (contains adult language)

  8. Hi, Kolb here. Notice I didn’t blow a save OR walk anyone today. I know it’s an off day, but aren’t most off my apperances categorized as such?

    If you come to Boston, visit Giovanni’s. Best pizza this side of the Back Bay. You’ll have to buy your own pizza though, I don’t share.

  9. In other news, Kyle Davies didn’t start today for Richmond, so I guess he’ll be starting on Saturday. Good luck, Kyle … looking forward to seeing you pitch.

  10. Hi everyone!

    I just want to say thank you to all Braves fans this morning, your cards and letters are touching and heartfelt.

    Currently, I am on “leave” from the Braves back with my parents in Juneau, Alaska. It’s my “safe” place.

    With Dan Kolb being demoted, I was concerned for my safety, especially after the beating he gave Dr. Phil with Raul Mondesi’s bat. (Raul’s first contact this season!). There are more details in Dan’s psychotic ramblings…otherwise known as a “Dan’s BOLG”. or BLOG.

    But seriously, with Dan ‘loose’ earlier in the game, I was concerned he would find me earlier. My gatorade is starting to taste bad because my sweat glands are acitvated and mixing with the Gatorade. Yuck.

    Thanks again to all yoy for your concern and read Dan’s BOLG so you can see how psychotic this guy really is. I am not sure if I want back in Baseball at all.

    Winston

  11. First of all Winston, when I came back to the dugout, you were sitting in my spot. You know I like to be close to the clubhouse tunnel so I can get out of there before the press comes in.
    Then, your saying I looked like a “fat tub of goo” (Terry Forester reference) without a fastball put me over the edge.

    Keep it up and you’ll end up being my personal toilet.

    By the way, when I pitch this weekend, and I will pitch because they’ll run out of options by Sunday and have to put me in, my line will look like this 0 hits, 2 runs, 3 walks, 2 SO, 1 HBP, 1 WP.

  12. Dear Dan,

    I spoke with Dr. Phil again and he asked that I speak from the heart & tell you how I feel.

    When you kick me, it hurts.

    When you hit me, it hurts.

    watercoolers can crack emotionally when beaten, not just physically.

    There are tears in my Gatorade.

    I love myself and when you kick me, you are kicking my spirit.

    I feel like you hate yourself and make yourself feel better by taking your hatred out on me.

    I am crying, Dan, feel my tears.

    I don’t hate you, so stop hating yourself.

    Maybe one day, the real Dan Kolb will come out, sit down and talk to me. I will be ready when you do.

    In the meantime, I am going to spend time with my family in Alaska. You know the number so call me if you want to talk.

    Winston the Watercooler.

  13. I have to say that these personal attacks, though slightly funny, are just petty. I guess it comes with making so much money at our expense, but I wish everyone who posts could get grilled this bad for making mistakes at work, especially those connected to pride and overconfidence.

  14. Trading Kolb would solve the petty personal attacks situation. But, does he have any trade value?

  15. Funny thing is, I don’t mind the personal attacks. I’ve got a guaranteed $3.4 million contract, so have at it. That’s more than most of you will make in your entire lifetime.

    I’ll just take it out on the water cooler, then go buy myself a Wendy’s Franchise.

  16. I was willing to let the screwups slide without petty personal attacks. The sheer idiocy of “leadoff walks don’t bother me” and his sense of entitlement are what opened the door. See below, “More Kolb”.

  17. Josh, I don’t know where you work where everyone’s all hugs and puppies, but everywhere I’ve ever been, people have made fun of the most useless coworkers. There’s always one or two people in every work environment who are a waste of space there and should choose some other profession. Their utter ineptitude opens them to attacks on other aspects of their personality that might otherwise be overlooked.

    This is normal. We can’t all live in an Oregon commune, holding hands and giving each other backrubs.

  18. Josh, it’s really okay. People shouldn’t just make fun of other people because they are different, make millions of dollars, etc. Unfortunately, we are in a society that rewards for knocking other people off.

    I don’t hold it against these people. If I met any of them at the ballpark, I’d let ’em buy me a hot dog, hamburger, slice of pizza, cheese fries, ice cream, pretzels and a couple of Milwaulkee’s Best (named after me, of course) and a 44 oz. Slushee to wash it all down. Then we could let bygones be bygones.

    Instead of making fun of me, they should fire me like any normal company would do.

  19. Josh,

    This is a Braves fan website, not the KUMBAYAH website. It’s not ok to make fun of Dan Kolb with his “walks don’t both me attitude” and 6.48 ERA? HUH? Are you even a BRAVES FAN? Do you even care if we win the division?

    At this point, we should be making fun of Kolb, Rafael Furcal, Raul Mondesi & Brian Jordan and making damn sure that John Schuerholz & Bobby get the memos t=so that these people can be replaced by better people.

    Geez, grow up, Josh.

    I am curious, if you don’t like criticism, is the only show you watch “7th Heaven”?

  20. Josh,

    Is it OK, that Dan beats me up and put me in a hospital? Do you not care about ‘watercooler rights’?

    Winston.

  21. Alex, I got called on the carpet by fellow posters for going after another poster and questioning his allegiance. I stepped over a line that day and I believe you just stood next to where I was. Let’s focus our efforts on Kolb and his antics rather than each other.

    Besides, I happen to like 7th Heaven.

  22. I was just throwing out my two cents of civility. I don’t have a problem insulting a player’s bad play and stupid comments. But personal attacks are just pathetic. I’m not biting at the cheap bait thrown out there by those who don’t like my message. I don’t really care who agrees. It’s just my two cents and I don’t want this blog getting drug in the mud. This always happens on off days.

  23. What’s the difference between Dan Kolb and a Christmas tree?

    A Christmas tree has fewer balls.

    What’s the difference between Dan Kolb and an Air Traffic Controller?

    Dan Kolb doesn’t know anything about strikes.

    What’s the difference between Dan Kolb and a pet rock?

    A pet rock doesn’t walk the first batter.

  24. Alex,

    Please leave us alone too.

    Signed,

    Stephen Collins
    Catherine Hicks
    Barry Watson
    Jessica Biel

  25. Gee, those 7th Heaven folks are angry! :-)

    Josh, frankly, I don’t care if you are offended. It’s all about sarcasm. Honestly, you gotta develop a thicker skin. I agree with Mac that the real culprits are Mondesi & Kolb and we should focus are venom at those two hacks, which is why I am against ANY Braves fan defending them…sorry, it’s not personal, it’s war against bad players stealing Braves money, like Mondesi & Kolb.

    Alex.

  26. I agree, 7th Heaven is a very good show. That Catherine Hicks is a hottie.

    Terrence Moore of the AJC seems to think that Danys Baez of the Tampa Bay Devils Rays is a better choice for closer than me. First of all, he doesn’t know how to spell his first name. Second of all, he walks more guys than I do, and I walk a lot of them.

    He makes over $3 million a year and just two years ago he blew 10 saves. I’m not even on pace to do that. Let’s just say one $3 million closer who can’t get it done is enough.

    Spock out.

  27. Terrence Moore is an absolute MORON. He was the only one who thought giving Brian Jordan back his old job was a fantastic idea.

    Don’t ever listen to Terrence Moore.

  28. It’s these stupid rivalries. There’s a lot to like about interleague play, I spose. And I must admit that since I only get a chance to go to one or two games a year, I do try to see an interleague matchup. But on balance, I hate it. And one of the main reasons is this stupid rivalry business. In order to maintain some that are at least slightly legitimate we get all these bogus ones. Atlanta and Boston is one of these bogus ones. There’s a connection between the Braves and the city of Boston, but it is really old and almost completely meaningless. There’s no rivalry whatsoever. Same with Florida and Tampa Bay, there’s no rivalry there… one that probably shouldn’t be expect to support one MLB team, much less two. Just a built-in schedule advantage. Don’t blame the people that make the schedule, though. Blame the idiots that run baseball.

  29. oops… mindless editing got rid of an important part of a sentence.

    I was trying to say that the Marlins and Devil Rays don’t share a rivalry, just a state.

  30. Sorry Dan, but right now Joan Baez would make a better closer than you, but you’re right about the good money after bad part. Surely we can find some bum like Turnbow, or even yourself, who can get through an inning 3 times a week and give up less than 3 runs a shot. Should have gone after Karsay, but I guarantee there’s another Lightenberg or Seanez out there somewhere.

  31. I love the humor any way I can get it. Makes the day go by while waiting for the next game. Lighten up and enjoy.

  32. What’s the difference between Dan Kolb and a Christmas tree?

    Um, a Christmas tree gets lit up only some of the time?

    Um, a Christmas tree does care about lead off walks?

  33. What’s the difference between Dan Kolb and an Air Traffic Controller?

    Air Traffic Controllers prevent disasters?

  34. What’s the difference between Dan Kolb and a pet rock?

    A pet rock can hit the broad side of a barn?

  35. What’s the difference between me and a Christmas tree?

    I cost a whole lot more money for only a month’s worth of usage.

    You gotta feed me much more than a Christmas Tree and I still don’t look good after a month.

    I live on beer, not sugar water.

    A christmas tree never beat up a cooler.

    What do we have in common?

    You had to go up north to get us and you paid way to much.

    We both looked good from a distance, but once you got us home, you realized they made us look better than we really were.

    I’m outta here! I’ll be at the Strikeout Lounger in the Richmond Holiday Day Inn for an extended egagement starting in June.

  36. I would be Dan Kolb’s biggest fan if he came out. I will totally support any ‘baller that comes out while they are getting a professional paycheck. Dan Kolb would have balls then.

    you know gay athletes are out there if 10% of the population is gay. The same percentage holds true with JOCKS.

    Signed,

    Brady Anderson
    Jeff Garcia
    Jerry Rice
    Carl Lewis
    Michael Piazza
    Kordell Stewart
    Eddie George
    Sergio Garcia

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